My (Old) New Car

OK, so I've had it a couple of days now, driving around the village to see what it goes like, and I have to say that it is a nippy little machine. It is also reasonably comfortable and so far, has not let me down.

But ... but (there is always a 'but'), today, I found a major fault with it.

I went to do the weekly food shopping at our local superstore (which for my Kenyan readers, makes Nakumatt look like a corner kiosk). To give you an idea, the car park takes 1,200+ cars, and it is often at least half-full.

And that is where the problem is. My previous car was an MPV, (again, for my Kenyan readers, rather like a matatu), and was easy to spot in a sea of 800 cars. Now, I have a small hatchback that looks the same as every other hatchback (which are very popular here), so finding the car was, er, difficult. So I had to walk around the car park, pushing my trolley to find my new car. I couldn't remember the index number and I was only vaguely aware of what it looks like. It is just a dark blue hatchback, like about 50% of the other cars there.

Obviously, I found it eventually, and have made a mental note to make sure I park next to or near a landmark on my next shopping trip. Today, it was not too bad. The sun is out and it is warm (17°C - OK, I know that is not warm by Kenyan standards, but here, it is bliss).

All the shopping fitted into the car without problem, so it has passed that test. Maybe I ought to tie a couple of helium balloons onto it next time.

My New Old, or maybe, Old New Car

It's a bit strange. I am used to driving automatic transmission Isuzu Troopers, Nissan Terranos, Pajeros, Transits and Mazda Bongos, so getting into a manual transmission Subaru Justy is odd. I can't see over the car in front and the door mirrors are so small that I can't even see them!

I'll get used to it, I'm sure. I will have to. This is my new mode of transport.

It needs a bit of fixing. It had been owned by a 19 year old, so it has been modified a bit, notably both rear wings are slightly concave, but a dent puller will sort that out.

It needs a front number plate, a passenger seatbelt and a few nuts and bolts to be replaced to stop various bits rattling. I should replace the exhaust. The car sounds like an Impreza at the moment, but that can wait for a while.

But it goes. The brakes work, the tyres are good (ish), the engine and steering work and it has 6 months on the MoT.

The best of all is that the VEL is almost half the cost of my last car, as is the fuel consumption. So I should recuperate the £100 I paid for it in next to no time, as long as I don't incur any expensive repair bills.

All in all, and despite my bum dragging along the road (or so it seems), I think I will quite like this little car.

New Elderly Care Programme Offers Hope**

**Unashamedly pinched from Dick Puddlecote who pinched it from somewhere else


The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.

Join the new free care plan today. If you are 60 years or older, you can apply. All new members will receive a gun and four bullets.

You are allowed to shoot one MP (two if you live in England), one MEP, one councillor and, just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you really don't like and think the world could do without.

As part of the plan, you will leave enough evidence to make sure of being caught, and, in due course, sent to prison.

There you will get a safe centrally heated environment, three meals a day, lots of company, free TV and an assortment of games, plus - most importantly - all the health care you need!

New teeth needed? No problem.

New glasses? They'll be provided.

New hip, knees, kidney, lung, heart? They're all covered too.

And who will pay for all of this? The same government that told you they can't afford your current health care.

And as an added bonus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax anymore.

PLUS:
Smoking allowed inside.

Britain. A GREAT country or what?